


Cheapskate Cuccos

by Metal_Chocobo



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-07
Updated: 2012-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-30 18:46:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metal_Chocobo/pseuds/Metal_Chocobo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Zelda was grocery shopping, she received unwelcome attention from three creeps and some unexpected aid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheapskate Cuccos

Zelda growled as she shoved the pathetic plastic cart down the aisle. The yellow monstrosity was laden with various canned goods, healthcare products, and other miscellaneous items. She was stuck doing the apartment grocery shopping since she lost last night’s poker game. Malon had promised to help, but she welched out at the last moment because she had to study for a “test.”

The thing Zelda hated most in life was shopping, especially grocery shopping. Grocery shopping was bad because she had to pay attention to the packing, the nutrition, the price per ounce, and a million other things. The worst place to shop was in one of those huge chain stores like Cheapskate Cuccos. Unfortunately, that was the only store in the area that a poor college student could afford, so here she was in the center of the store. At least she didn't have to pay for everyone's groceries, Malon and Ruto were always good about chipping in, but it still sucked to have to find the crap.

A package of paper plates slid off the top of the cart. Zelda swore and bent down to grab it.

As she grasped the paper plates, Zelda felt a hand slide across her rear. She stood up quickly and glared at the offender. “What do you think you’re doing?” she snapped angrily.

“Chill out babe,” a dark skinned man with red hair said, “I just saw that you looked pretty behind, so I thought that I’d give you a hand.”

“That isn’t necessary,” Zelda said stiffly as she shoved the plates back into the cart, “I would like you to leave me alone.”

The man leaned against the handle of Zelda’s cart and smirked. “I’m Ganon,” he said smiling. When Zelda ignored him, he added, “These are my boys, Vaati and Mido.”

“Right,” Zelda said folding her arms across her chest, “Well you and your boys should get away from me.”

The three men leered at her. “Will you get feisty if we don’t?” Mido asked.

Zelda stared at them. She wasn’t certain what she should do, but she wanted the creeps gone now.

“There you are!” she heard a man call out.

Zelda turned to see the epitome of sex hurrying toward her. A tall man with shaggy blond hair grinned at her. He wore jeans and a leather jacket that was partially open, but Zelda couldn’t make out what the shirt underneath said because he held a case of water and a twenty-four pack of ramen to his chest. She liked what she could see of him, though.

“Geeze,” he said dropping the ramen into the cart and sliding the water onto the rack underneath it. He stood and stretched before saying, “I leave you in the women’s section looking at belts and it takes me forty minutes to find you again.”

Zelda stared at him. He stared back. She noticed that the sex god’s eyebrows rose and he nodded his head slightly. “Oh,” Zelda said in realization, “Oh, I’m sorry baby, I didn’t realize that you expected me to stay there. I know how much you hate shopping so I figured that I should get the plates and the…” Zelda glanced back into the cart, “shampoo. Do you remember if we’re out of light bulbs?”

The man’s brow furrowed as he pretended to think. “I think we are,” he said before turning to glare at Ganon and his friends. He stuck his hands on his hips and asked, “Are you hassling my girlfriend?”

“No,” Ganon said worriedly backing up a step. Zelda assumed that the pig had come to the conclusion that her “boyfriend” could do some serious damage to his face.

“Good,” he said smiling, “because she can do some serious damage when she’s pissed. My girlfriend here has a black belt in jujitsu and nearly broke the arm of the last guy who pissed her off.” He turned to Zelda and scratched his forehead, “What did he do to you again?” he asked looking puzzled.

Zelda smirked, “He tried to grope me.”

All three creeps looked pale. Zelda was pretty certain they were remembering what Ganon had done moments earlier. “Is that so?” Ganon asked.

“Oh yeah,” he said looking at the three men frankly. “This girl,” he said in a conspiratorial tone while jerking his thumb back at Zelda, “broke my nose when we first met.” He grinned at her and said, “Do you remember? I was trying to get my keys at the theater from under your seat.”

Zelda laughed. “It was in the middle of Run Away Bride and I was sitting in front of you. When you accidentally brushed my ankle, I kicked your nose in and dumped hot coffee on you because I thought you were trying to feel me up. I still can’t believe that you asked me out after the paramedics patched you up.”

He grinned at her and turned to look at the three men. They had been edging away from the two of them the entire time Zelda told her story. “I-I just remembered we have a thing to go to,” Ganon stuttered.

“A thing?” Link asked in a disbelieving tone.

“Yeah a t-thing,” Ganon said and then the three guys ran away. As they watched them flee, Mido managed to run into a mannequin on his way out.

He looked over his shoulder and said to Zelda, “And we were starting to have so much fun.” The blonde turned to Zelda and offered his hand, “I’m Link Kokiri,” he said smiling.

“Zelda,” Zelda said shyly taking Link’s hand and shaking it.

“While I’m certain you could have handled those creeps, Ganon doesn’t really seem the type to listen to someone who lacks a Y chromosome,” Link said carefully squatting down to pull out his water off of her cart. “Plus I’ve just always wanted to do that,” he added laughing.

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad you helped, Link,” Zelda said. She grabbed Link’s side to help steady him as he stood up. “You really are tall,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said with a laugh, “Six and a half feet is a little on the tall side. Hey could you put my ramen on top?”

“Sure,” Zelda said. She carefully placed the ramen on top of Link’s load.

“I’d ask you out,” Link said with a smirk, “but I’m pretty certain that you’d break my nose and pour boiling hot coffee on me. I mean you’ve already got it all planned out. By the way, congratulations on the quick thinking.”

“Thanks,” Zelda said biting back a smile. As Link walked away, she called out, “You know you were right about the nose bashing if you asked me out, but I wouldn’t do that if I asked you out.”

Link stopped and turned around to look at her. “Really?” he asked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at her.

Zelda pushed the cart up to where Link was waiting and he placed his stuff on the cart. As the two started to walk along planning their date, Zelda decided that grocery shopping at Cheapskate Cuccos wasn’t so bad.


End file.
